September 23rd, 1995 - Im 48 sheets to the wind!

September 23rd, 1995 - Yankees host Detroit
A double-dipper! End of regular season, bitch!

Contrary to popular belief, I was not 3 sheets to the wind on this day. I was 48 sheets to the wind. At one point on this scorecard someone blamed it on Gang Bang Steve and admonished, "Steve, why did you let him get SO drunk?"

This was an old trick of mine in which I am not proud, but years after the fact as I lounged at my computer table chattering with my daughter, who was drawing on her leap pad to my left as I first prepped this blog entry, I can laugh about it. I used to get bombed even before game one, and hear the inevitable, "um, you got 7 more hours to go, dude" as I was helped up the stairs. During one legendary doubleheader a couple of my cronies got tired of holding me up and walked me outside to "get some air." I ended up going to sleep on the sidewalk, where people shuffled around me for the next 30 minutes before I woke up in time for game 2.

But I digress, lets go to 9/23/95, shall we?

Top left margin was pretty clear cut, as Steve crytically penned, "Tom is seriously drunk." So this entire card was his baby, I did not even attempt to write the lineups, which I often did even under the influence, in comic fashion. Someone else who had taken one look at me said and transcribed for posterity "this is going to be an ugly day."

Ugly enough that early on a fan in the box seats, who was under verbal attack, snapped the finger at us and was booted for his efforts. This is the sort you hope came all the way in from Monticello for the day, only to get thrown out 3 innings into the first game of a doubleheader. What a tool. But it was even uglier before the game started as none other than Meatloaf sauntered onto the field to sing the National Anthem. "Meatloaf?" someone whined. "I'd rather have steak."

Steve was actually enough on point to mention my little bon mot about the Yankees being 9-1 with my teddy bear "Bear Ass" in attendance. By the end of this day they would make that 11-1, and the playoff possibilities were endless. But for the rest of the day Steve simply kept to the business at hand, the game, and did not really get into the bufoonery around us in the bleachers. With me essentially out of commission there may not have been much.

So I wont get too deep into Game 1, aside from telling you that the Yankees won 5-2 with David Cone besting Jose Lima (2-9 in his first year of regular work) John Wetteland notched save 28, striking out the side in the 9th, and Ruben Sierra hit a Yankee jack. Your Yankee lineup was 3B Boggs, CF BW, RF O'Neill, DH Sierra, LF James, 1B Mattingly, C Stanley, SS Velarde, and 2B Jughead. Tigers countered with CF Curtis, SS Gomez, 3B Fryman, DH Fielder, 1B Clark, RF rookie Bobby Higginson, LF Phil Nevin, C John Flaherty, and 2B Steve Rodriguez. (lol) - Lima was followed on the mound by Greg Gohr, Dwayne Henry, and Ben Blomdahl. I mean, why even bother showing up if thats what you are going to parade out there?

GAME 2

I seem to have come around a bit, although Steve wrote "Tom's still piss drunk." For some reason this game was scored on yellow paper. I had some cool scoresheets I had run through and i had taken to photocopying more, but for some reason I went with the mustard hue. To celebrate the last regular season game I would attend in 95? Who the Hell knows, but it does look ghastly.

I actually managed to pick up the pen during game 2, but added nothing, really. I wrote "Curtis sucks" and "Sweep!" I also mentioned we started a "Central Park Killers!" chant at a band of brigands hanging around the railing. We were in the mood to compare fans with criminals I see, as there was also a Unabomber chant.

Other notes of interest - Steve sang a "good" Gang Bang, a man was walking around with a sticker on his back, Curtis "looked at us", and a stringent observation by Steve that "there's an asshole born every day." The old even then line of "Higginson, you suck so bad you aren't even in the video game" was dusted off.

At one point, with yet another beer in hand, I lifted it up for a toast, waving Bear Ass around in my other hand, and announced (or I should say slurred) "this is the best $6 I spent this year."

Yankees won this too, notching Bear Ass's mark in attendance to a cool 11-1. This was a 3-1 win, behind Scott Kamienieki of all people. He evened up his season mark to a middling 6-6. Wetteland fanned 2 in the 9th for his 29th save, so he pitched a perfect 2 on the day, fanning 5 of the 6 men that came up to face him. Then again, this WAS the Tigers..

For the Tigers Felipe Lira was the hardluck loser, and he had the ignomity of being followed by Brian Bohanon, Brian Maxcy, and Mike Meyers. Lira especially had a fun day, throwing two wild pitches and plunking Jughead Kelly. The Yankee lineup facing the Bengal arms in game 2 was 3B Boggs, CF BW, LF O'Neill, DH Sierra, a rare appearance by Strawberry in RF, 1B Mattingly, C Leyritz, SS Velarde, and 2B Jughead Kelly. The Tigers "countered" with CF Curtis, SS the aged Allan Trammel, 3B Fryman, DH Fielder, 1B rookie Tony Clark, RF Higginson, LF Phil Nevin, 2B Scott Fletcher, and C Ron Tingley.

Sad day for the city of Detroit, 9/23/95, cause not only were their Tigers getting swept in New York, but fabled Tiger alum Lance Parrish was wrapping up his great career in a Toronto Blue Gay uniform, out at Fenway on this Saturday.

I was not going to do a profile, but seeing Ron Tingley's name made me laugh, so he it is. A good old "backup catcher" that managed only one seasons worth of ABs (563) in only 278 games over parts of NINE seasons of mlb baseball. First appeared in 1982 (!) in 8 games for the Padres of all teams, then dissapeared until showing up for the Angels in 1988 (where he stuck around till 93) - he split 94 between Florida and the Chisox, and closed the curtain in 1995 for the Tigers, where he batted .226 in his second-largest amount of ABs in his career (124)

Overall he left the game with a lifetime .195 average - holy fu*k! - with 10 homers and 55 RBIs. Walked 54 times and fanned 165, a ridiculous number. Stole 2 bases over time, and was nailed 5 times. What the Hell was he doing running? This is the kind of guy that was always fun to watch. 10th round draft pick in 1977 by the Padres, he was born in 1959 in that baseball hotbed of Maine. Baseballreference.com page had 1,613 hits as of 11/22/2010. Goodnight Mr. Tinsley, wherever you are!

There were an announced 36,248 on hand for this twinbill, with game 1 being played in 2:44 and game 2 being played in a hyper 2:38. I dont think the Tigers wanted to be there...your umpires on the day were none other than Rich Garcia, Dale Ford, Larry Young, and Mike Reilly.

Thanks for reading, and the regular season on 1995 is a freakin' wrap! Stick around for playoff action!

RON TINGLEY!

September 22nd, 1995 - "This is a Ramily Section! Rit down!"

September 22nd, 1995 - Yankees host Blow Jays
"Sit down, you big booty bitch!"

A Friday night at the Stadium, with the wildcard there for the taking. Lets get on with it.

I must make immediate note of one of the funnier little ditties we came up with out there, a nod to nondescript Yankee reliever Rob MacDonald. Sung to the tune of, what else, Old McDonald Had a Farm. Here goes...

"Rob MacDonald has no arm" (alternated with "Rob MacDonald gave up a bomb") with the tagline chorus being "with an oh, fu*k here, and an oh shit there" -pretty solid stuff from amatuer songsmiths such as ourselves!

Before the game Orlando Cepeda of all people was on the field getting some sort of award or gushing over some cause, and he never seemed to leave. "What, did he take up residence on the field?" someone finallly snarled. A fan was out there with one of those party bags of potato chips, selling the chips in there for $1.75 a bag. He sold his chips, but took a lot of grief while doing so. Some tart then marched out on the field and butchered the national anthem, causing us to wait for the announcement of, as someone groused, "another moment of silence, to mourn the passing of our National Anthem."

How times have changed....someone ticked off the names of the Yankee starting pitchers of Cone, McDowell, Pettitte, Key and Hitchcock and bitched they were making "20 million." Damn, these days that would have only paid for one of them. A few people were pissed off at Key, and someone actually was clamoring for his "release" out there. Stunning.

The law was in full force out there in Section 39 that night. First two kids who had to be around 16 or 17 years old were busted for drinking beer right in front of the security guards. There is something to be said for "act like you belong there or should be doing it and you may get away with it" but, Jesus Christ, these kids did not look old enough to get into a rated R movie, yet alone drink beer. Someone up by us (name withheld or never tabbed at the time) was busted "smoking pot" which caused Sandy the Latina to go bezerk, so it was probably one of the vanful of people she bought along with her. Another in that group, her young daughter Christina, stole my teddy bear "Bear Ass" that night, and held him hostage most of the game.

Our gangly friend Bird was making messes, first knocking over someones beer and then talking the ear off of a security guy against the rail, which bought a heavy downpour of "sit the fu*k downs!" and "fly away, Bird!" 's. Even old Ali the Keeper of the Cowbell got into it, turning to us and snarling, "Bird makes me sick."

Speaking of Ali, already, in 1995, there was talk about what to do with the bell once Ali was no longer around. Although it sadly turns out that he was merely 7 months from his passing, one would not know it as he was a walking party in a ballroom. Queen Bee Tina went so far as to describe a "ceremony" to pass the bell when the time ever came. Mmm, dont remember it transitioning so formally when "Mo Love" Milton took over the important duties that carry to this day.

An Asian fellow was bitching about us and our boisterous behavior to anyone who would listen, and even took a trip to the rail himself to rat us out. For all I know, he could have been the one that pegged the marijuana smoker. People mocked him, of course, he being an easy target Asian and all. "This is a Ramily Section" we smirked. "Rit down."

One funny crack was directed to a busty Latina that was dancing on the seats between innings. "Sit down, you big booty bitch!" someone shouted, adding "you take it up the ass!" Soon enough, though, people were clamoring for her to stand up, with her exotic dances that many of us had seemingly never been privvy to. After Shawn Green doubled in the 9th to make the Yankee lead tenous someone was able to see the bright side of things, as the ball skipped into the corner and bounced around. "Well, at least that got her to stand up again."

After the game ended people were watching her gather her things, getting ready to go, mentioning how they felt they just had a free showing of a "latin porn." As she passed old school Elder George on the way down the steps he sincerely told her, "thanks for not charging us."

Lots of mentions of a security guard named Harold out there, especially on a night like this when things seemed out of control to a point. I actually noted on here that at this point in late 1995 he honestly did not know who Derek Jeter was, although he worked the Stadium. Well, what did we expect, as we noted that he seemed to have an unhealthy obsession with Sandy's daughter Christina. Unhealthy as in I am not even sure she was in double figures in age...we were watching a lovely Latina dance around and here was Harold, feeding Christina potato chips and having a pretend conversation with my stuffed animal "Bear Ass", who was firmly in her grip. Christina herself was very funny, at one point marching up to Tina and saying, "you bleacher bimbo." Someone coached her well.

Some yoke was hanging around, wearing a football jersey with the # 85 on it, and he had to hear the old, "what's 85, the last time you got laid?" Someone than chirped, "nah, thats what he paid for it."

This was one of the very few occassions I was on hand for a homer that dropped in a 2 or 3 seat radius of where I happened to be. It was off the bat of Ruben Sierra, a 3-run bomb in the 8th that basically put it in the books for the Yankees. I remember watching it off the bat, muttering, "looks like it is coming this way.....coming right here....holy shit, thats coming to me." Well, I did not get it, I was knocked down by the wave reaching for it, but I still remember that shot for sure.

Looking at the scorecard I see we played with the names in the lineups again, a little. Ed Sprague was "Ocean" Sprague, and Shawn Green was "Queen" Green. Of course Oleruds name came with a "nice helmet ya got there!" attached to it. Funny moment on the REAL scoreboard, as when Green batted for the first time Roberto Alomar's sketchy looking visage smiled down on us next to Greens stats in err.

I used to have real chops back then, and screamed Mattingly's name a few times during the game. This was pre-roll call, but I got Mattingly to turn around and give a little wave. But even as he was doing that, a ton of people were turning to one another out there and shaking their heads, talking about "Mattingly's last stand." We knew it was done for him.

Yankees pulled this one out, 6-4, behind a litany of pitchers. Jack McDowell started and was beaten about a bit before he left in the 5th. MacDonald came on, and despite our mocking song, caused no harm. Wickman, Howe, and Wetteland finished up, with Howe notching the W and Wetteland the save. For the bats, the Yankees had 11 hits, with Boggs, Sierra and Velarde having 2. The big hit was Sierra's 3-run gift to us in right. Your Yankee lineup was 3B Boggs, CF BW, RF O'Neill, DH Sierra, LF James, 1B Mattingly, C Stanley, SS Velarde, and 2B Jughead Kelly.

Paul Menhart (lol) started for the Jays, and went 7, giving up 10 hits and leaving the hardluck loser. Mike Timlin, a longtime bleacher nemesis, wrapped up for Toronto. The Jays mustered 9 hits of thier own, and Green had 3 of them. Alomar and Olerud also had multi-hit games, with Olerud driving in 3. The Jay lineup was 2B Alomar, DH Molitor, CF Carter (in center!), 1B Olerud, 3B Sprague, RF Green, LF Delgado (lol - Delgado in LEFT!), C Sandy Martinez, and SS Tomas Perez.

For our profile lets go with the esteemable Mr. Menhart. Did not stick around long, but played the vagabond. A year in Toronto, a year in Seattle, and a year in San Diego. It all added up to 41 games (23 in starts) and a lifetime tally of 5-9. A sickly 5.47 ERA, thanks to his 100 earned runs allowed in 164 plus innings of work. In that time he was lit up for 169 hits, and walked 85 to 90 strikeouts. It all started so promising, he was a 9th round draft choice by Toronto in 1990 out of Western Carolina University, a school that bought us the likes of Wayne Tolleson. 95 was indeed his rookie campaign, and Mehnart can always say he was involved in a trade for Miguel Cairo, in December 95. His page on Baseballreference.com has only had 1,455. I bet 1,200 are from people with the last name Menhart. I am happy to have seen him work!!

As for the 21st, the Thursday night game was played in 3:03, in front of only 17,766 fans. Considering the Yankees were clawing for a playoff spot, that is pathetic. No wonder Mattingly was able to hear me at first. Your umpires on the evening were Dan Morrison, Al Clark, Larry Barnett, Greg Kosc.

Thanks for reading!!

PAUL MENHART! GIVE HIM A HAND!

September 20th, 1995 - Ali needs that marijuana!

September 20th, 1995 - Yankees host Toronto
"He would smoke out of that bell if he could"

This appeared to be a wacky night. I cant believe some of the crap I am seeing on this scorecard.

Old Ali, the Keeper of the Cowbell, was a centerpiece on this night. He started the "Hip Hip, You're Gay!" with a random holler chant, even. He admitted to a bunch of us that he needed "some of that marijuana smoke" to "really go crazy on the bell." When we laughed him off Queen Bee Tina said, "no, its true. He would smoke out of that bell if he could." At one point, feeling the mood, Ali even handed off his bell for a beer vendor to clang in fervor. I got caught up in it and yelled "YANKEES Suck!" really loud, obviously in error during the chorus, totally screwing up as I was drunk. I took the appropriate amount of heat the rest of the night.

The night started off on a funny note, as Laura Branigan of all people sung the National Anthem. I guess Gloria Estafan was busy that night. While she (or I should say the anthem itself) was cheered as she was going off the field, she was booed heading on to it. Someone had a "Bleachers Suck" sign, and he was IN the bleachers. That, predictably enough, did not go over well.

It was "Long Island Firefighters Night" at the Stadium, and I remember getting all excited that I saw someone way down and way to the right in the same old black and yellow snazzy windbreaker jacket I was issued back in my Wyandanch Fire Department days. I finally put down my beer and made the long trek over there to see which friend of mine it was, and saw he was not even in my department. But I saw that they did indeed have the same exact color scheme and lettering inside of a cool yellow circle out there in Malverne...then a couple of innings later I noticed so did another fireman from Patchogue, and a third from Ronkonkoma later in the night on the beer line. Friggin A, didn't any fire department in Long Island have an original jacket, including my own? Geez, what a downer that was.

A buzzcutted blonde guy leaned over the loge to take a gander at us, and was met with a friendly, "jump, you fu*king Nazi!" We then turned our attentions back to the field and the idiot Robert Perez in right. "Perez, your Mom buys quarter Sun-Dew drinks!" someone howled in a friendly nod to his ethnicity. Our good friend Bird, the gangly and boring guy that everyone avoided, strolled up. "Bird, fly away already" someone grumbled.

A skinny elderly man with a white beard shuffled up the steps in sandles, and was promptly dubbed "Santa Lite." But in the true groaner of the season, and maybe of all-time, I mentioned that with all the beer that we drank, we truly made the mens room a "Urine-Nation" and wrote it on the card. Ugh....

The scoreboard filled us in on a fancy "this date in baseball" tidbit, accompanied by funny calliope music. In 1992 Mickey Morandini notched an unassisted triple play, so we ruminated on those for a while. At least we were talking baseball. The baseball talk turned to the Yankees, and Roy Firestone's recent and public observation that "Mattingly may be done." How right he was.....but I had been saying that since Opening Day, 1994. Tina, however, was already pushing him as the next manager of the Yankees. 15 years down the line, Id say she's a little off on that. At least she was ready to push him off the field, too.

The cotton candy guy was still catching shit after debuting the game before. "Hey, cotton candy, where's your clown?" someone asked. The beer guy was not spared our barbs either. While he dilly dallied on the lower reaches someone snapped, "what are you doing down there, brewing it?" When he finally started up the steps a bunch of impatient yokes, led by me, started exorting, "Run, beer guy! Run!"

"Im a a Former minor leaguer" Chris was on his "Jughead" kick when it came to Pat Kelly again, howling things like, "way to go, Jughead!", "Nice try, Jughead!" and "Kick him in the head when he slides in like that, Jughead!" We were still trying to incorporate Mike Huff's last name into obscene chants, with "Perez huffed it" being one of the lamer efforts, and a few more "huff and puff and blow" jokes. A girl was on hand with a Tenessee cap, which caused someone to crack, "You should be proud...Tenessee is the only state Arkansas can pick on."

Seven mystery outs on this thing. I seem to get worse with mystery outs as the seasons plod along. Too many distractions. Elsewhere around the circuit, history was being made as Joe Roa was making his major league debut for Cleveland, and Sam Horn and Chris Howard were both playing in their final major league contests for the Texas Rags.

We actually had a pitching duel for once, won by the Yankees and Sterling Hitchcock of all people. Fearing a misprint, I did check baseballreference.com and sure enough, he went the full 9 and gave up only a single tally (in the top of the 1st) on 6 hits and a walk through the game. Upped his mark to a piddling 9-10. Pat Hentgen was the hard luck loser, going 8 and giving up both Yankee runs in the first as well, so we saw a lot of blank frames after that early stage. After Hentgen threw 8 innings, giving up 5 hits, the nondescript Tony Castillo finished up for Toront-blow.

3 of the Yankees 5 hits were in that first inning, and this was your lineup. 3B Boggs, CF BW, RF O'Neill, DH Strawberry (who Windmill-ie Randolph got nailed at 3rd in the first), LF James, 1B Mattingly, Stanley, SS Velarde, and 2B Kelly. For the Blow Jays we saw SS Gonzalez, DH Molitor, LF Carter, 1B Olerud (nice helmet ya got there!), 3B Sprague, CF Huff, RF Perez, 2B Cedeno, and C Randy Knorr (lol)

Lets roll out a profile, and we will go with Mr. Knorr. Stuck around from 91-2001, but here were his game totals by year. 3, 8, 39, 40, 45, 37, 4, 15, 13, 15, and 34. The CONSUMATE backup catcher. 253 games total, in 11 seasons. A season and a quarters worth of at-bats, with 676, in which he mustered a cool 24 homers and 86 RBIs. It was the lifetime average of .226 that did not do him any favors. Never had more than 132 at-bats in a season, and this was the year, 95. Born 11/2/1968, he was a 10th round draft pick in 1986 by Toronto, whom he logged time for in 91-95. Moved on to Houston, Florida, Houston again, Texas, and wrapped up in Montreal. His career ended 2 days before 9/11. NEVER stole a base, but did manage to get caught once. Has become a vaunted minor league manager of note, and all with the middle name of Duane! Baseballreference.com page has 2,512 hits as of 11/18/2010. I miss him!

As for the 20th, another weak crowd of 20,541 saw a blazing quick game, played in 2:16. This may have been the quickest one I have officially scored to this point. I marked at the end of the 8th that it was only 9:47. When the game starts at 7:30 and change, you got something there. Your umpires pushing it along were Greg Kosc, Dan Morrison, Al Clark, and Larry Barnett.

Thanks for reading!

HEY! ITS RANDY KNORR!

September 19th, 1995 - "Sticky that cotton candy up your ass!"

September 19th, 1995 - Yankees host Blow Jays
One out - One week to go

The "Last Stand." A week to go, and one game out of the wildcard. I am stunned to this day to see there were only around 15,000 on hand with the Yankees one game out of the hunt, which got a succinct "where the fu*k is everyone?" tagged on the scorecard. The temp was getting cooler, as it was noted that the grounds crew actually were not wearing thier khaki "safari shorts" on this Tuesday night, having moved on to "pants"

Not only was the mood tense, it was a bit maudlin as there was announcement before the game that a "longtime ticket taker" had died. Of course, leave it to one of us to put it in perspective. "So what?" Gang Bang Steve groused. "He never passed me no bones...no free tickets. I dont care."

But we came in giddy nonetheless...during BP a fan in the bleachers took a batted ball off the head. Chris, the self-proclaimed "former minor league ballplayer" took a gander at me grabbing a chaw of Red Man that was offered and snarled with derision, "Red Man?? If I want candy I will bring a lollipop." Ironically enough this appears to be the first appearance of Cotton Candy out there, or at least the first time we noticed it, as this scorecard is littered with nods to that concoction known as Cotton Candy. "Take that shit to the carnival!" was one, as the vendor ambled on up. "What is this, Dodger Stadium?" was another. "Stick that cotton candy up your ass!" was a third, which was later amended to "sticky that cotton candy up your ass!" since it was cotton candy and, well, you know - sticky.

In the first inning a fan stood up holding a big sign, trying to get on TV. And he did not sit down...Hell, the seats were empty, he probably was not blocking anyone, so he felt free to continue his charade. We put a clock on him...he actually stood for over 4 minutes with his sign over his head, until the inning ended. Then he put the sign away for the evening. For some reason I did not save what exactly the sign said for posterity, but I am sure it was dumb.

There was a Met fan on hand trying furtively to hide his cap from view, but we saw it and were all over him. His "Where's Waldo" backpack did not help his cause any. An ugly girl strolled by, causing someone to crack, "Shit...I would not touch her with a 4,916 foot pole." Someone told us to tone it down, as there was "family about." "Yeah, family." we mused. "A bunch of bitches, motherfu*kers...." No one was safe from our barbs....when a Latino lad did not sit down fast enough to suit us at the beginning of a frame someone shouted, "down in front, beans and rice!"

I think the price of beer was getting to us, as we had a long talk on the subject of "Beer-noculars" and the benefits of such. "Hell, 16 ounce Beer-noculars won't do it for me." someone said. "I need at least a 32 ounce telescope to hide my beer in." Soon enough it was time to heckle the Toronto contingent, and that included a "dont you wish you were still in Cleveland, you fu*k?" addressed at Mr. Joe Carter in left. Someone actually thought calling him "Joe Farter" would be funny....then again, I wrote it down on the scorecard, so I am no better.

Other minor notes of interest.....Chris and I actually sung a duet version of "Friend of Mine" and everyones favorite, Dancing Ogre guy, was on hand. So was Howard the "anti-comic" lawyer who always got a frowny face on the card. A guy named "Joe from Rock Ridge Saloon" was on hand, that was worth a mention, too. Someone actually jumped up and said, "I'll huff and puff and blow your Mom!" whatever that means, but I am going to guess it was addressed to Mr. Mike Huff in centerfield for the Blow Jays.

The Yankees actually had only 3 hits on the night, but a 5-spot in the 2nd was enough to coast them to a 5-3 win behind Andy Pettitte. Jose Guzman, starting for Toronto walked a ridiculous SIX in 1.1 innings, and therewith lie your problem for Toronto. All 5 runs were tacked to his ledger, dropping his record to a staggering 3-14. Check out this bottom 2 with Guzman on the hill...

Dion James singled, then after a Mattingly flyout to right, Leyritz walked. Velarde singled to center, driving in James. Guzman hit Pat Kelly. Boggs walked. Bernie walked. O'Neill walked. Then Guzman was lifted, and I lost track. He had also walked two in the first, but Bernie Williams helped him off the hook by getting nailed stealing, causing someone to grumble, "he couldn't steal a base with a gun in his hand."

"Walks matter." someone aptly quipped.

Mystery outs all over the place on here. 7 in the 3rd and 4th alone, when I was apparently putting on a show for the kids on hand with my prop, Bear Ass the stuffed animal. I noticed another recurring theme on these recent scorecards....for some reason I was wearing a Hawaiin Lei late in the 95 season, and it appears on every scorecard recently. I was also chewing tobacco. What a freakin' mess I was.

Here was your Yankee lineup on the night - 3B Boggs, CF BW, RF O'Neill, DH Strawberry, LF James, 1B Mattingly, C Leyritz, SS Velarde, 2B Jughead Kelly. Pettitte upped his mark to 11-8, going 8 strong, and John Wetteland finished up for his 26th save, whiffing 2 in the 9th.

Toronto only had 5 hits of their own, including home runs by SS Alex Gonzalez (in his first full season) and Joe Carter. Your Jays lineup looked like this - SS Gonzalez, DH Molitor, LF Carter, 1B Olerud (nice helmet ya got there!), 3B Sprague, CF Huff, RF Robert Perez (lol), 2B Domingo Cedeno (lol), and C Lance Parrish batting 9th. On that team, that was a Hell of an accomplishment. A young Carlos Delgado ended up pinch-hitting for Perez late in the game.

After Guzman's comedy act, the no-name tandem of Ken Robinson and Jimmy Rogers got some work in, and Mike Timlin, that doof, wrapped it up.

For the profile, lets call on Mr Domingo "brother of Andujar" Cedeno. Yet another Dominican shortstop, not so high profile. Stuck around from 93-99, honing his trade for Toronto, the Chisox (12 games in 96), Texas, Seattle and Philly. Never played in more than 113 games in a season or batted more than 365 times. With a .251 average, 15 home runs and 121 RBIs in 1219 at-bats over 429 games, you kind of get an idea why. Did not offer much up in speed either, stealing 14 but getting nailed 12 times. Talk about a roll of the dice sending the runner. Walked 83 times and struck out 280, which is also way too much. He did play everywhere, and I dont just mean his 5 stops along the way. Logged time at second, short, third, and even the outfield. DHd here and there, when everyone else was too hung over to play.

Born on 11/4/68, the lanky Dummy-in-a-can was signed out of the Dominican in 1987 by the Jays scouting machine. His Baseballreference.com page had a paltry 2,333 hits as of 11/17/2010. How can you not be happy that you saw this man in his prime!

As for the 19th, a pathetic showing of 15,772 found it within themselves to attend, and the game was played in 2:52 (it takes a long time to walk so many guys) - your umpires on hand were the esteemable Larry Barnett, Greg Kosc, Dan Morrison, and Al Clark.

Thanks for reading!

DOMINGO CEDENO, EVERYBODY!

September 9th, 1995 - "Pete Rose was kicked out of gambling for participating in baseball"

September 9th, 1995 - Yankees host the Sucks
"He's an idiot...I pay no attention to him."

A Saturday afternoon in the Bronx, and despite a 38-25 record at home the Yankees had managed to find themselves almost 15 games off the pace set by Boston. I was in one of those moods (you know, a drunk one) and its noted on here I was literally throwing ice cubes at Sox fans. I connected on a head shot in the 5th, too! Old-school elder George emphatically stated, "we always beat these assholes" so I guess he had not taken a gander at the standings before heading to the park.

There was a girl on hand with "horse's ass hair." You see, horse's ass hair contains a ponytail that looks like, well, a REAL ponytail. Thats not a good thing. A little boy was walking around with a gaudy beeper to his hip, causing someone to query, "who's going to page him, Captain Kangaroo?"

There were a heap of Sox fans on hand. "They're not used to going to a game and not seeing poles in their way" someone cracked. The old, "ground ball to Buckner....ooops!" ditty was a crowd favorite on this day, and there was a nod to the various "Bleacher Bimbos" who made the trip to look at some real men in the ballpark stands for a change.

THE BEST, though, was a fan who had a pro-Boston sign that mispelled Boston. You can't make this up...the sign apparently said BOSTEN and was referenced on this card more than once. "The only thing Boston is good for is clam chowder." someone said. "Thanks for the Bambino!" was a favorite repeated more than once to the Bostonian visitors, as it is to this very day.

I kind of have an idea where Steve was singing the Gang Bang way back then. There is a telling quote...."if he's here (referring to Saddam on security) I have to do it." So I thinks we had a racket going....since Steve was SO young - 17, at this time, - he would not be tossed as quick as a Captain Bob or an Animal, the sketchy veterans of the group. Its noted on here as FACT that Steve did indeed belt out everyones favorite bleacher jig on 9/9/95, at exactly 3:38 and that it "goes over well" outside of George insisting on including his "O'Neill drops the soap" campaign.

Steve was on point even then and showing knowledge beyond his years, at one point referring to Crazy Devil Fan Billy with a simple, "he's an idiot. I pay no attention to him."

Gang Bang song aside, there were some song controversies out there among the family.....old Ali the Cowbell King himself put a stop to the somewhat obscene "Take Me Out To The Bleachers" refrain, in a tip of the cap to the families taking advantage of the sun on that day. And Queen Bee Tina ALREADY was carrying on her "no Charlie Pride" edict during the Gang Bang.....what was so obscene about that lyric, that did not apply to some of the other humdingers in that song? For the unitiated, its a simple, "Knock Knock!" (WHOS THERE?) "CHARLEY PRIDE!" (CHARLIE PRIDE WHO?) "CHARLEY PRIDE HER LEGS APART AT THE GANG BANG...."

I mentioned on here, complete with frowny face, "just spent $6 on hot dogs." What, that would get me ONE hot dog today, I should have kept it to myself.

In a line I have heard from a few stand-up comics since then someone said, "Pete Rose was kicked out of gambling for betting on baseball." Thats a good one.

Willie McGee, then battling for the tag of ugliest man in baseball with the likes of Otis Nixon and Ron Karkovice, was taking a lot of our shit out there in right. Many an ET joke. "ET, GO home" for example. As always McGee took it not well, and traded barbs over the fence both with us both before and during the game. Another Sox there apparently to make friends was Erik Hansen (who actually went 15-5 in that year, his only one with Boston) who threw a few balls to the Creatures during BP to rampant howls of "throw it back!"

There was a nod to a few of the fans we saw all the time on here. Our VERY elderly old African American friend, the hunchbacked Mickey Rivers was on hand, and that was noted by a "slow down, Mickey Rivers!" barb someone hurled as he shuffled his way around. The annoying Yankee fan with the Uncle Sam tophat and the painted face was there, but sans painted face. So we hardly recognized him. There was also a "Chris Elliot" lookalike, who we aptly told to "Get a life!" There was also a beer vendor that looked like "Ruben Sierra."

Hey, anyone remember the portly hispanic "ex-security guard" that used to come to the bleachers and raise all sorts of tumult? He once went after me, flashing dukes, and we almost got into it. Well, on this day in 1995 he was actually thrown out of the Stadium by his former security brethren for transgressions not noted here.

Here are the useless scorcard tidbits for the day....there was a guy named Coghan on hand all the way from Ireland. Animal was not there (thus Steve sang the Gang Bang) but his brothers were. The hot dog man seemed to have "more rolls in his chin then in his pot." We were discussing the observation that "Red Man" tobacco was "racist" (that always came up) And some guy named "Mike" actually shook a Boston fans hand, which was enough of an oddball sight to make the scorecard. A fan, taking a number of pics, was politely asked, "why are you taking pictures? You're not Japanese."

To the field! An easy Yankee win on this day, 9-1, behind Andy Pettitte, who went 8.2 before Bob Wickman came in for the final out. He upped his mark to 9-8, while Sox starter Zane Smith, that hick looking fu*k, regressed to 7-8 by giving up 5 runs on 7 hits in 2 innings of work. Mike Maddux than came in and pitched to an awesome line - 5 full PERFECT innings, with 4 K's, before Eric Gunderson, Joe Hudson (lol) and good ole Mike Stanton took turns getting clobbered.

On the bat side of things the Yankees mustered 11 hits, including 3 from Sierra (you know, the beer vendor lookalike) and a pair off the bats of O'Neill and Gerald Williams. Williams hit the only Yankee home run, off of Stanton in the 8th. The Yankee lineup read 3B Boggs, CF BW, RF O'Neill, DH Sierra, C Leyritz, SS Velarde, 1B Mattingly (now reduced to batting behind Velarde), LF G Williams, and 2B "Jughead" Kelly.

For the Sox, they squibbed out 7 hits, including 2 each from ET McGee (including a triple) and Tim Naehring. The Sox offered up RF McGee, SS Valentin, 1B Vaughn, DH Canseco, 3B Naehring, LF Greenwell, C Haselman, CF Tinsley, and 2B Alicea. If you stuck around long enough you would have had the privelage of seeing Matt Stairs pinch-hit.

For the profile lets go with Mr. Joe Hudson. A piddling middle reliever who only stuck around from 95-98. His stats are funny in parts. 102 games (all in relief) - In 127 innings he was tagged for 151 hits, and he walked more than K'd besides (73-62). Its a wonder he escaped with only a 4.82 ERA. 95 was his rookie campaign, so we can say we saw the start of this awesome showing, and he appeared in 39 games for Boston, the most he ever showed up for in a year. In 98 he pitched all of one game for the Brew Crew, was torched, and that was it for him. Born in 1970, the Philadelphia native and 27th round draft pick in 1992 was a product of West Virgina U, a school that also bought us the infamous Scott Seabol. My gosh, what was in the water there! His baseballreference.com page, as of 11/15/2010, has a sickly 1,403 views. I mean, does anyone care for this man at all?? Very happy to have seen Mr. Hudson in his prime.

As for the 9th, a whopping 47,719 were on hand to see the game played in 2:49, and your umpires on hand were the veritable Dan Morrison, Al Clark, Larry Barnett, and Greg Kosc.

Thanks for reading!

AN ACTUAL JOE HUDSON SIGHTING!

September 8th, 1995 - "Wakefield likes to knuckle-balls, doo-da doo-da"

September 8th, 1995 - Yankees host Boston
Steve does "the Gang Bang" - first time?

Ah, a Friday night in September, with the Bo-sucks in town. Yankees were a staggering 15 ½ games behind 1st place Boston, but the wild card beckoned. There were actually 35,000 in the park, 20,000 more than there were a couple of days earlier when the Angels were stinking up the town.

This one is a mess. I was obviously drinking hard, being a Friday night and all. But there appears to be a tremendous nod to bleacher history and lore on this very card….unless there was some other “Steve” than the one that was my partner in crime back then...helping to keep score even on this very night and pounding beers on the sidewalk outside in my company, GANG BANG STEVE ACTUALLY SANG THE GANG BANG on this night. Duly noted, in drunken scrawl, is “Steve does Gang Bang.” In 1995….this legend has had a long life.

How is this for a prolific fu*king statement. Before the game while Mariano Rivera and Derek Jeter played a simple catch on the outfield grass someone – and I don’t remember exactly who, said confidently, “there they are – the future of the Yankees.” I bet they got some upturned brows in the case of Rivera at least, who came out of nowhere of course, but wow did they ever hit that on the head. I wonder if it was actually a quote of my own, but alas no credit given so I'll take it for now. Go me!

People were calling Fat Daddy Chico “the Fridge” and he was milking it up. He had crashed through a few “goal lines” himself in his day, running away with the money he stole from us with his crooked pools. Since Boston was in town we were playing around with our own shanty accents, saying things like “Pahk the cah in the gah-rage” and stuff. We also paid homage to Boston and their storied history in our normally straightforward “you suck” chants, coming complete with such bon mots as “Jerry Remy sucks!” and “Rick Burleson sucks!”

A fan actually mooned us from the box seats, and was ejected for his efforts. A full moon, complete with ass waving back and forth. We also pointed out a chiseled white-haired relic sitting out there, calling him “Donahue in 40 years.” When I first saw that note on here I was thinking our friend Mike Donahuge and I felt a wispy tear of nostalgia coming in, but this was a bit before his time in retrospect. So Phil Donahue it was. Other interesting fans on hand were a “Chinese guy that looked like Phil Rizzuto” and his fellow Asian friend, known as “Chinese James Earl Jones.”

A Boston fan on hand had his cap stolen and thrown – was Justin accounted for on that night? At some point before his hat went flying and he meekly shuffled his way out of the Stadium Steve noted on the card that “Boston fan gets the kitchen sink thrown at him” Through all of this a Little Orphan Annie lookalike was trying to remain inconspicuous out there, but she was met with “where’s your eyeballs?” chants and queries all night.

They were still having problems with the sound system that left the Stadium silent before the game earlier in the week – at one point between innings they started playing a highlight package of Mike Stanley complete with no music at all. Just as we were commenting on how bogus spliced clips of home runs and nailing guys trying to steal looked without the music accompaniment Eddie Layton started playing a bouncy jig on his organ. “Just doesn’t fit” we decided.

Here’s a funny one. Tim Wakefield, that idiot, was on the mound for Boston and we composed a striking little ditty. Sung as yet another “doo da, doo da” song. Here goes - "Wake-field likes to knuck-le balls, doo-da, doo-da.” “Knuckle balls” heh heh.

Some other useless notes - a toddler on hand took Bear Ass from me and tried to feed it her bottle. That was cute. At some point someone asked me my age, and being drunk I gave the wrong one. I actually had an argument with my friends out there over how old I really was (I was 27...not sure if I was claiming 26 or 28…I couldn’t have been 2 years off, could I??)

Ooooh, boy, I see now that this was during my “tobacco experiment” - Steve noted that “Tom is chewing tobacco and liking it.” Welllll….I may have liked it fine, but my stomach sure didn’t. Not sure if this is the game where as soon as the final out nestled into someones glove I yuked all over the place, but there were not many tobacco chewing nights I had out there that I survived intact. There used to be a guy out there, I think his name was Chris…he had played “minor league ball” - (if I had a dollar for every person out there that told me they played minor league ball I would be paying someone to type these for me right now instead of doing them myself) and he was constantly packing a chaw. Come to think of it, maybe he did play minor league ball….the only other thing I remember about him is he disappeared off the face of the Earth soon after and he was a dead ringer facially for knuckleballer from the era Dennis Springer.

The Yankees won this one, whittling the Sox lead to 14 ½…..it was an 8-4 victory for the local heroes. David Cone started and went 7 strong, upping his mark to 15-7, and Steve Howe stayed clean long enough to notch his second save on the year. Wakefield took the loss for the dreaded foes, but his mark was left at a strong 15-4. He was followed by Matt Murray (?), Brian Bark (making his 3rd and FINAL major league appearance on this night) and everyones favorite, Jeff Suppan.

New York scored their 8 runs on only 5 hits, as Boston pitchers walked 9. Darryl Strawberry blasted a 3-run shot in the first inning, and Paul O’Neill homered later in the game and also plated 3. 6 different Yankees scored runs on the night. The Yankee lineup was 3B Boggs, CF BW, RF O’Neill, DH Strawberry, LF James, 1B Mattingly, C Stanley, SS Fernandez, and 2B Velarde. Geez, do any of you guys remember Dion James getting so much playing time as a Yankee? He’s all over these things.

Boston squirted 7 hits off Yankee pitching, by 7 different batters. Your Sucks lineup looked like this – CF Willie McGee (lol), SS Valentin, 1B Ho-Mo Vaughn, DH Canseco (how bout that), LF Greenwell, RF O’Leary, 3B Naehring, C Haselman, and 2B Alicea. And if you were there like I was you actually saw the MAJOR LEAGUE DEBUT of Scott Hatteberg, who came in for Haselman and ended up going 1-2 and scoring his first run. Cheers to that!

For a profile, how bout we stick with someone people may remember (as opposed to someone like Matt Murray who had a lifetime 9-plus ERA in a short stint) - lets go with Luis Alicea. A tenure from 1998-2002 (sans 89 and 90) - he had only this one year with Boston in 95, playing more games (132) than any year but one. He was mainly a 80-120 game kind of guy. Finished up with a respectable lifetime BA of .260, with a mere 47 jacks and 422 RBIs in his 13 seasons of work. Nice walk to strikeout ration, getting 500 free passes while whiffing 624 times. All this came in 3971 official at-bats. Stolen base ratio not as impressive, as he nabbed 81 bags but was nailed 50 times. A pesky sort, played for the Cardinals (88-94), Boston (95), St Louis again in 86, Texas (98-99) and wrapped it up with the Royals for 2001 and 2002. Born in 65 and a product from Puerto Rico, he was a 1st round draft pick by St Louis (23rd overall) in 1986, out of Florida State University. Baseballreference.com page has 5,173 hits as of 11/9/2010. I will never forgot Luis Alicea!!

As for the 8th, there were 35,896 on hand, and they saw the game played in 2:40. Your umpires on hand were Greg Kosc, Dan Morrison, Al Clark, and Larry Barnett. And in another note of interest on the history side of things, elsewhere around the game Luis Andujar and Kevin Sefcik were busy making his major league debut.

Hey! Thanks for reading!

THE EVER-POPULAR LUIS ALICEA!

September 5th, 1995 - The Night Ripken Ties Gehrig!

September 5th, 1995 – Yankees host the Mariners
“Ripken will never be Gehrig, even if he dies and comes back 3 times!”

A Tuesday night in the Bronx, and the Mariners were polluting the town. History was being made all over baseball on that night – Cal Ripken Jr was busy tying Lou Gehrigs consecutive games streak at home against the Angels, and elsewhere around the circuit Marvin Benard and Matt Lawton were making their major league debuts. So much going on, and I dont know which story is bigger! Coming in we were 1 ½ out of the wild card, but as I pointed out to all within earshot that night that was “along with almost everyone.”

Queen Bee Tina was in one of her characteristic sour moods, regarding the Ripken/Gehrig link. “Ripken will never be Gehrig, even if he dies and comes back 3 times!” she barked.

Security was in a frowny-face mood, which was not helped when we sang (to the tune of Horse’s Ass) “What’d you get on your police ex-am...you – got – a D!” Security Saddam himself came storming up after a time and told us to quit it with, and I quote, the “Up the Ass - No Vaseline” song. This caused someone to make one Hell of an observation, “Hey, he’s Iraqi. No mentioning any kind of petroleum products!” As Saddam strolled back down the steps someone shouted, “someone throw a SCUD at him!”

I mentioned I was going to donate my liver, or what was “left of it.” With Lou Gehrig’s streak being the talk of the town someone took the occasion to point out a sketchy looking fan (they were crawling all over the place back then) and smirk, “for ever $1.00 you give to Lou Gehrig’s disease that guy gets 30 cents.” Speaking of donations and livers and the like, someone cracked before the game “there will be no National Anthem tonight…Eddie Layton donated his organ.” (GROAN)

Talk turned to that “goody” bag we got the day before, a day I had dubbed “Load of Crap Day.” When I typed up that card I could not remember what was in that bag, but I did write the contents on this scorecard - the game after. In my “party bag” was a little box of Viva paper towels, a mini mouthwash, and a May 1995 issue of the Sporting News. Yeah, I really needed all that stuff to “party hard!”

Before the game Ken Griffey Jr exchanged pleasantries with us, going so far as to call our friend and fabled old-schooler “Jungle” a drunk. He also pulled the old “rear back and make like you are going to throw us a ball but turn around and toss it into the infield instead” trick, which made him a lot of friends in the general area. His buddy Jay Buhner was subjected to an insult we had not heard before, a volley of “Buhner, your mother smokes cigarettes at Yankee Stadium!” Griffey ended up having a busy night…aside from homering off of Mo Rivera this was the game where a fan ran onto the field in the 5th inning and ended up shaking his hand out there in centerfield.

Talk turned to current events, and OJ. In our drunken hues we sort of agreed at the time that OJ did NOT do it, and blame as the actual culprit ranged from Ricardo Montalban to Ron Goldman, and someone even chimed in with “the dog.” Ah, what the Hell, he had blood on him. A couple of denizens reminisced about watching the Bronco chase right out there in the bleacher seats. (I myself was at a Metallica/Danzig/Suicidal Tendencies show in Middletown, New York that night) We then started talking about computers until someone finally snarled, “Why are we even talking about his malarky?” and we decided to get back to watching the game.

For whatever reason old Ali the Cowbell King decided he did not want to ring the bell, and he spent the night telling fans who came up to ask him “no" and not always in the rosiest of terms. Ali, who passed away the following May, God bless his soul, was one of the friendliest and happiest fellows around, but when he would get petulant like that crowds could start to hound him, and he would turn around from the rail and exchange harsh words with them. Ah, the dark side of Ali Ramirez…who woulda knew?

Other notes of interest on here include a mention that we were all getting a “cheap contact high” off of a beer that was spilled on the concrete right in front of us, and the very first ECW wrestling nod, with a simple ECW! on the lower right-hand portion of this crowded card. There was a Vince Colemen firecracker reference as he was leading off for Seattle (“he left New York with a bang”) and a Simpsons reference from when the Simpsons were funny all of the time (“Sit down, Dancing Homer!”) And an homage to The Zoo Bar, which was then between 82nd-83rd Street...who knows if it still is. There is a reference to that as well. I was also carrying around my Yankee bear, “Bear Ass” which caused someone to say, “If I carried that thing around I would be ‘em-BEAR-ASS-ed.”

As for the action on the field – the Yankees dropped this one 6-5, downing my mark in attendance for the year to 17-10. The Yanks had been trailing 6-0 after the top 5, but their plodding comeback fell short. Mariano Rivera started and took the loss, giving up 5 runs on 7 hits in 4-plus innings. Rob MacDonald and Scott Kamienieki mopped up his mess. Bob Wolcott got the W for Seattle, and was followed on the hill by a veritable parade of Bill Risley, Lee Guetterman, Jeff Nelson, and Stormin’ Norman Charlton, who notched his 6th save on the year.

The Yankees did muster 12 hits, so that was not the problem. Boggs, Bernie, Dion James and Don Mattingly all had a deuce, with James and Mattingly each parking one into the seats. The Yankee lineup read 3B Boggs, CF BW, RF O’Neill, DH Sierra (anyone file the missing persons report on D Strawberry yet?) LF James, 1B Mattingly, C Stanley, SS Fernandez, and 2B Velarde.

The Mariners scored their 6 runs on only 8 hits, including 3 home runs. Jay Buhner hit a critical 3 run shot off MacDonald, and Griffey and Luis Sojo added blasts of their own. The Mariner lineup was LF Coleman, 2B Cora, CF Griffey, DH E Martinez (batting .365 coming in), 1B Tino, RF Buhner, 3B Doug Strange, C Wilson, and SS Sojo.

As for a profile, why not Battlin’ Bob Wolcott? 95 was his rookie campaign, and he stuck around till 99, working for Seattle, the Diamondbacks (Seattle lost him in the 1997 expansion draft), and closing shop with Boston. Lifetime mark of 16-21, with a hefty 4.75 ERA to show for his efforts. In 325 innings he was torched for 391 hits, walking 113 and striking out 178. Not all that sharp. Born in 1973, he was a 2nd round draft pick (or should I say bust) for Seattle in the 1992 draft. Did manage to start a game in the 1995 playoffs against Cleveland, and hurled ONE complete game in his time. His baseballreference.com has only been hit a putrid 2,300 times as of 11/8/2010. Good for him! Happy to have seen him ply that trade!

A putrid crowd of only 15,340 were on hand, which I dubbed “a fu*king ghost town.” The game was played in 3:08, and your umpires on hand were none other than Jim Mckean, Vic Voltaggio, Jim Joyce, and Dale Scott.

As always, thanks for reading! And fear not, the playoffs are coming!

LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, BOB WOLCOTT!