So today the Giants get another parade. As I walked through a crowded Penn Station this morning, I grinned with memories of days gone by. Been there, done that...going to victory parades got to be a chore, being a Yankee fan and all. We had too many! Well, lets go back to the 1998 Yankee Victory parade...
as penned over 13 years ago...we were soldiers once, and young.
****************************
That year I remember we got out there early, armed with M & M's, cherry lifesavers, wads of toilet paper (only some used) and various luncheon meats to throw at the large multitude of non-Yankee player and personnel who weaseled thier way into the parade. We were saving the heavier stuff, the halfway filled plastic orange soda bottles and kaiser rolls for the Giant Waving Hot Dog Guy, Pretzel Man, And Giant Soda With Giant Straw Guy. And dont forget the ANSKY guys.
This tomofoolery proceeds cause the parade to us Creatures has become inherently boring. Even only this second one in the 90's. If you really want to see a parade, just hang out in front of a VFW Hall until one comes by. Because 3 million show up for this parade, and you are bunched in a mass like a Russian buying his daily allotment of bread. If those 3 million went to but 2 games each, I don't need to tell you what we would do to attendance marks, but I digress....
So we had these "Big Apple Tour" buses that they were reserved for those Princess Di-killing papparazzi and other suits and ties who gave a corporate bigwig a handjob and ended up on the bus, pretending they were worthy of adulation from the cheering drunken masses. We're talking double-decker buses here. And with 2 levels of targets, no matter how clumsily you lob your armaments, you have a good propensity to hit somone on one of those 2 levels.
So here comes a bus, with a bunch of people waving those slow pose type waves, you know, that welcome the Harlem Globetrotters back from Gilligans Island kind of wave. I happened to have a unique piece of artillery, it was a cracker with a piece of ham inside. Who came up with that combo I will never know, but I was throwing, not eating today, so it worked for me. I placed careful aim on a bald head and threw it with an arc like a bimbos boob.
Ever see those scenes in slow motion, like when the cops partner gets shot on his last day on the job before retirement in every action thriller worth its salt? This is what happened here. That damn cracker started coming apart in mid-air, making a loose melange of crispy cracker and spinning ham. And plop, right in the face, top deck of a Big Apple Tour Bus....SISTER MARGUERITE, JOE TORRE'S NUN SISTER. I repeat, JOE TORRE'S NUN SISTER.
The ham actually stayed there on her head for a second before tumbling off the target, like a dart thrown by a drunk not hard enough to stick it to the board. Of course everyone saw it - ooh, you hit a nun, oh how could you, all that. Hey, i was the victim here! And all she could do up there on that bus is look down at me and smile knowingly, that loving smile of peace.
Cause deep down I think she knew the method to our madness. I mean, the joy of hitting a guy in a hot dog costume who can not put his phony arms up to block it is a thrill every kid should experience. Every sponsor gets a float, the guys who supply the straws for the soda get a float. Hell, I think the drunks who run on the field during the year have a float. I think they forgot this is a YANKEE parade.
Man, was abuse taken to walk the street that year. Political buffoon Betsy McCaughey Ross was there with a painted on Bozo the Clown grin and just as much makeup, and heard the "show your tits" chant, which she greeted with a quick wave of derision. 14 year old dancing high school girls had to hear "you'll be doing that on a table or a pole in 5 years!" Some kind soul stopped the parade from the front with the ANSKY guys right in front of us, and they were pelted with so much messy stuff it looked like they left with the entire alphabet on thier bare chests. The dancing grounds crew were met with as much enthusiasm as brakelights on the expressway.
So for years I have carried this around, that I pelted Sister Marguerite with a cracker sandwich containing some processed ham that probably started out as Porky the Pig Poop. But I got my diving judgement later that day, when leading a crowd at Jeremys Ale House (where beer is not just for breakfast anymore) in a kickline for New York, New York on a table I tumbled off and hurt my buttbone. Right on my glutimous maximous (but I managed to save my whole quart of beer as I fell, a talent i developed over the years)
I would have had a normal column today but someone (and I will not disclose names but his initials are 'gang bang steve' left my Wednesday scorecard in the Stadium with all the jokey fare I could accumulate, and I had that damned 6 of Michelob, so the old memory is not cranking. I was also not there Memorial Day, when I missed the unassisted triple play (figures, that calls back to last year when in a span of 2 days I missed an inside the park home run, a triple play, and a cartwheeling drunk out in LF cause I was in the runway drinking beer)
I was also not there Tuesday when there was complete and utter fisticuffs where the Tag Team of DUI James and Brooklyn Mike took on an old man that had a voice problem (his voice kept saying "Down in Front!") I heard it was the best fight out there since me and Teddy. Or me and Lucy. Or me and John with the mustache. Or me and Mia. Or me and Jasmine. Or me and Larry. Or me and Tina. Or me and Monster Mike. Or.....oh, geez, I have problems.
PS - have fun at the parade!
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Saturday, January 7, 2012
wrestling in town! Impact - Westbury - 1/6/12
Just got back from TNA in my town, at the veritable Theatre at Westbury, on Long Island. Show was quite compact, clocking in at just under two hours, including a 20 or so minute intermission tossed in for good measure. That said, a fun time was had, the crowd was raucous, the action was fun, and the interaction was something to behold.
Your opener was Austin Aries taking on young Jesse Sorensen, sans football. I was seated right on the aisle, which was the source of some amusement through the night. As Aries sauntered on by, Ring of Honor convo seemed to be flying all about. The crowd was chanting for Aries and hooting his honor, which he tried to temper to no avail. It was a fine match, short as house show matches tend to go, and Aries won clean. The fans rejoiced. Now that I think on it, i think its a tsk tsk of a thing that Sorensen did not have a football to hand off to a young fan looking to have their night capped.
Earl Hebner came out for the next match, heaped with crap over the Bret deal. He played it up, challenged fans to fight, showed off his nifty "Damn Right I Did" retort t-shirt to the "you screwed Bret" chants, and after doing a Bret strut he settled down to ref the womens match. Madison Rayne and Gail Kim took on Mickie James and Velvet Sky, who had the crowd all agog. I was distracted as many men were, and I believe the good girls took the duke. Earl did not get one of his famous "kiss the heel to make the crowd go nuts" kisses in, come to think of it.
Next Borash announced that although they were defending their titles at the ppv this coming weekend, tonight Crimson and Matt Morgan were going at one another, to see who was the best. The fans were confused, but seemingly in awe as the big men came to the ring. Morgan is obviously a behemoth. Whenever he comes around, people who dont know the wrestling all too well wonder aloud why he is there, and not in WWE. It was a hard hitting match, which many poop on, but I grew up enjoying big man battles and even adored Earthquake / Bubba Rogers brawls, so it was fine by me. Crimson seized the day to mild surprise, and the champs shook on it and left to applause.
Ah, time for Flair. He seemed, eh, deep in his cups. Fans were overjoyed to see the man, and he was met with much aplomb. He accompanied Gunner to the ring to face Devon. Flair put the badmouth on Devon, and then waxed poetic to the crowd. Talked about beating guys 30 miles down the road at the Garden for the last 30 years. He told Hebner to "call it like I see it, not how you see it' or he would "beat him up again." He also called a fan "Fat Boy" which was welcomed by many like an old friend. Everyone yayed. The match was fine, I do enjoy some Gunner. He won when Flair, playing classic old-school manager, grabbed some leg as Devon hoisted Gunner up, and next thing you know Devon was down and done, and the bad guys prevailed.
I believe this is where intermission kicked in. While Kurt Angle was signing before the show, and it was quite the madhouse while he was, Velvet Sky took to it at intermission, and joy abounded. She was very gracious, as was Angle, and aside from security moving people along at warp speed, people were in a good mood about it all.
Once the curtains drew on a long intermission, Kurt Angle and James Storm squared off. Angle was amusing, sorta smiling to the crowd before easing into an obscene gesture. Just to make sure no one missed this, he turned to the other side of the ring and did it again. Storm was his entertaining self. The match was hard hitting and fun, and Storm took the day, pinning Angle clean, which surprised the crap out of a lot of folks.
Here is where the fanfaronade really kicked off. Bully Ray came out for "your Main Event of the evening", feet from me and my aisle seat, and he immediatlely started howling down a kid for "almost touching him." He threatened to beat his ass, and this kid was plum scared. Bully then made a production of calling over more security, so he would not be touched on his way to the ring. Then, once there, he really set off into a harangue. First target? An 8 year old girl, of course. He flat-out said he would smack her in the face. He added he would then move on to "your mother....or is that your Dad?" He called out big sis too, saying "dont think I ever hit a woman before." To top this all off, under a loud chorus of boos, he added that this little girl would grow up to be in the kitchen doing the dishes, just like her Mommy. This was met with much derision. And, if this was not enough, Bully then made a run at a young scamp as if to kick them, scaring them half to death.
Partner Robert Roode than joined the fun, getting into quite the brouhaha with the guys directly behind me on his slow stroll to the ring. Apparently this jolly gent remarked to Roode as he went by, "you look like you can only press 185 pounds." Roode did not take a liking to this, and caustic barbs were exchanged. At one point Roode snapped, "what are you going to do about it????" and the guy said, and I quote, "um, nothing." Once Roode was gone and the coast was clear, the guy advised us to never crack wise to someone who works out for a living about what they can lift. Message sent. Though Roode was probably in character (I saw him do this same thing to even less an insult last time around in Westbury) he sure played it in menacing fashion. People were indeed shuddering at the antics of this man and his crony Bully Ray.
Once to the ring, Jeff Hardy came out, showered in adulation, for a 3-way which was set up to be a 2 on 1 beatdown. Yes, Hardy vs Roode vs Bully. NON-TITLE. Of course the heels crossed things up (when Bully decided he wanted to hone in on a pin that Roode had set up finely for himself, and he tossed Roode aside), and Hardy took advantage of this breakdown in communication to land a pinfall. Everyone was happy, things were set up nicely for the regular TNA party at ringside after this show with handshakes and flashbulbs, but i beat a hasty retreat to beat the traffic up on out of there (and got Hebner to sign my program to boot - somewhere along the line Borash spilled he was working his "10,000th match" on this evening, though Im sure that will be said at the next few house shows on the circuit as well.
Im sorry I didnt move for move on things here, just wanted to recap what was a fine and dandy night. This was their 6th time at Westbury, according to Don West, who was selling merch like a madman, and Ive been to all 6. While the crowds get smaller every time, and the shows get shorter, I had a Hell of a time and cant wait till they return to my town.
Thomas Brown
@sherifftom
Your opener was Austin Aries taking on young Jesse Sorensen, sans football. I was seated right on the aisle, which was the source of some amusement through the night. As Aries sauntered on by, Ring of Honor convo seemed to be flying all about. The crowd was chanting for Aries and hooting his honor, which he tried to temper to no avail. It was a fine match, short as house show matches tend to go, and Aries won clean. The fans rejoiced. Now that I think on it, i think its a tsk tsk of a thing that Sorensen did not have a football to hand off to a young fan looking to have their night capped.
Earl Hebner came out for the next match, heaped with crap over the Bret deal. He played it up, challenged fans to fight, showed off his nifty "Damn Right I Did" retort t-shirt to the "you screwed Bret" chants, and after doing a Bret strut he settled down to ref the womens match. Madison Rayne and Gail Kim took on Mickie James and Velvet Sky, who had the crowd all agog. I was distracted as many men were, and I believe the good girls took the duke. Earl did not get one of his famous "kiss the heel to make the crowd go nuts" kisses in, come to think of it.
Next Borash announced that although they were defending their titles at the ppv this coming weekend, tonight Crimson and Matt Morgan were going at one another, to see who was the best. The fans were confused, but seemingly in awe as the big men came to the ring. Morgan is obviously a behemoth. Whenever he comes around, people who dont know the wrestling all too well wonder aloud why he is there, and not in WWE. It was a hard hitting match, which many poop on, but I grew up enjoying big man battles and even adored Earthquake / Bubba Rogers brawls, so it was fine by me. Crimson seized the day to mild surprise, and the champs shook on it and left to applause.
Ah, time for Flair. He seemed, eh, deep in his cups. Fans were overjoyed to see the man, and he was met with much aplomb. He accompanied Gunner to the ring to face Devon. Flair put the badmouth on Devon, and then waxed poetic to the crowd. Talked about beating guys 30 miles down the road at the Garden for the last 30 years. He told Hebner to "call it like I see it, not how you see it' or he would "beat him up again." He also called a fan "Fat Boy" which was welcomed by many like an old friend. Everyone yayed. The match was fine, I do enjoy some Gunner. He won when Flair, playing classic old-school manager, grabbed some leg as Devon hoisted Gunner up, and next thing you know Devon was down and done, and the bad guys prevailed.
I believe this is where intermission kicked in. While Kurt Angle was signing before the show, and it was quite the madhouse while he was, Velvet Sky took to it at intermission, and joy abounded. She was very gracious, as was Angle, and aside from security moving people along at warp speed, people were in a good mood about it all.
Once the curtains drew on a long intermission, Kurt Angle and James Storm squared off. Angle was amusing, sorta smiling to the crowd before easing into an obscene gesture. Just to make sure no one missed this, he turned to the other side of the ring and did it again. Storm was his entertaining self. The match was hard hitting and fun, and Storm took the day, pinning Angle clean, which surprised the crap out of a lot of folks.
Here is where the fanfaronade really kicked off. Bully Ray came out for "your Main Event of the evening", feet from me and my aisle seat, and he immediatlely started howling down a kid for "almost touching him." He threatened to beat his ass, and this kid was plum scared. Bully then made a production of calling over more security, so he would not be touched on his way to the ring. Then, once there, he really set off into a harangue. First target? An 8 year old girl, of course. He flat-out said he would smack her in the face. He added he would then move on to "your mother....or is that your Dad?" He called out big sis too, saying "dont think I ever hit a woman before." To top this all off, under a loud chorus of boos, he added that this little girl would grow up to be in the kitchen doing the dishes, just like her Mommy. This was met with much derision. And, if this was not enough, Bully then made a run at a young scamp as if to kick them, scaring them half to death.
Partner Robert Roode than joined the fun, getting into quite the brouhaha with the guys directly behind me on his slow stroll to the ring. Apparently this jolly gent remarked to Roode as he went by, "you look like you can only press 185 pounds." Roode did not take a liking to this, and caustic barbs were exchanged. At one point Roode snapped, "what are you going to do about it????" and the guy said, and I quote, "um, nothing." Once Roode was gone and the coast was clear, the guy advised us to never crack wise to someone who works out for a living about what they can lift. Message sent. Though Roode was probably in character (I saw him do this same thing to even less an insult last time around in Westbury) he sure played it in menacing fashion. People were indeed shuddering at the antics of this man and his crony Bully Ray.
Once to the ring, Jeff Hardy came out, showered in adulation, for a 3-way which was set up to be a 2 on 1 beatdown. Yes, Hardy vs Roode vs Bully. NON-TITLE. Of course the heels crossed things up (when Bully decided he wanted to hone in on a pin that Roode had set up finely for himself, and he tossed Roode aside), and Hardy took advantage of this breakdown in communication to land a pinfall. Everyone was happy, things were set up nicely for the regular TNA party at ringside after this show with handshakes and flashbulbs, but i beat a hasty retreat to beat the traffic up on out of there (and got Hebner to sign my program to boot - somewhere along the line Borash spilled he was working his "10,000th match" on this evening, though Im sure that will be said at the next few house shows on the circuit as well.
Im sorry I didnt move for move on things here, just wanted to recap what was a fine and dandy night. This was their 6th time at Westbury, according to Don West, who was selling merch like a madman, and Ive been to all 6. While the crowds get smaller every time, and the shows get shorter, I had a Hell of a time and cant wait till they return to my town.
Thomas Brown
@sherifftom
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