April 14th, 1996 – Yankees host Rangers
Drinking Robotussin, Eating Calendar, Piling on!
Drunken haze or no, I remember this one like it was yesterday. So much stands out from this one game, it has become legend in my annals. Started with drinking Robotussin on the top deck of the parking garage with Blue Lou before the game, moving on to eating pieces of the giveaway calendar for shits and giggles inside, and debuting a “new tradition” that was thankfully shortlived, the infamous “home run pile on” this was one for the books.
Our day began at one of the very first Blue Lou barbecues, and it was a wild one. People were taking golf clubs and balls out of Lou’s trunk and sending screaming moonshots towards the buildings across the way. We either drank too hard or bought too little as we ran out of beer, and at a bad time too. Too close to first pitch to make a run downstairs, and as odd as it seems we were all about getting in on time in those days. That one homeless guy ambled over and started talking about cough medicine in times of need, and oddly enough someone had some in their trunk. Our homeless friend took the first swig, and passed the bottle on to Lou, who sucked one down and passed it on to me. I couldn't wait. We did a couple of rounds of that, and all was right with the world. Time to move this bitch inside.
People were getting thrown out at every turn. A Red Sox hat, then a Rangers hat, went flying and left tossed-out fans in their wake. Orignal Cowbell man Ali was in “kiss-ass” duty, trying to keep the piece and pleading to security to leave us be. Even though he was doing us favors we still laughed at him. It got so bad with people getting the boot someone walked up to me and said, “what are you still doing here. I thought you got thrown out?” I actually went to security to check, and the guy was like, “nah, you’re good for now.”
We were all handed 1996 Yankee giveaway calendars at the gate, and somehow decided it would be a good idea if each of us ripped off some pieces of the players enconsed within and ate them. I have no idea why this was considered a good thing to do, but here is your roster of those who partook in this fare and who they ate. I believe it was based on players you did not like.
Sheriff Tom – Tony Fernandez
Gang Bang Steve - Bob Wickman
Tom J (?) - Tino Martinez
Blue Lou - Dwight Gooden AND Joe Girardi
I had a fight with a pack of mustard and lost bad. Why I was opening up mustard is beyond me, I was notorious for not eating anything out there ever in fear of losing my buzz from drinking. This one packet blasted me, and I was marked. I looked like a Keith Haring poster. For the rest of the day people were literally lining up to hand me mustard packs, hoping to see me get pasted with yet another yellow hue. Being drunk and belligerent, I was all about proving them wrong and showing them that yes, I CAN open up mustard. That was still a disaster in itself, cause once I opened them successfully I would drop them on the ground where people would subsequently step on them – both by mistake and on purpose – and make a total mess of things. It got difficult to see the field ahead with streaks of mustard sailing through the air like hoisted bombs.
“Sit down, you alcoholic!” someone yelled at me at some point while I was standing up either eating mustard packets or eating a piece of the calendar.
There was an old man sitting in our midst, spinning yarns about the old Yankee Stadium. Because he was old and particularly wistful, we decided he was full of shit. “Old man telling lies” I wrote on the scorecard.
In one of the more comedic faux celebrity sightings we have had out there over the years, a dead ringer for Burt Reynolds walked up the steps and took his fair share of heckles. I think someone asked him if he just took a Cannonball run to the bathroom. Then, ironically enough, he made his way to his seat and plopped down right next to his date...a dead ringer for Loni Anderson.
The real fun started after a seemingly innocuous Mariano Duncan home run in the Yankee 6th, which made the score 8-2 in favor of the good guys. Two of the guys dancing a jig on the seats took a tumble, and rather than help them up a few people decided to pile on instead. Its noted here that our friend Gang Bang Steve ended up on the very bottom with an otherwise unidentified “John.” I ended up losing my “Cousin Brewski” pin in the ensuing melee. After it was over everyone hopped up all grin and guffaw, but when no one was looking they became all wince and groan. We thought it was so much fun we reenacted the whole scene when Gerald Williams hit a totally meaningless home run in the Yankee 8th to make it 12-2. I friggin’ hated this tradition, and quite frankly I am happy that security did not take too long to get tired of it, and smack on the kibosh.
There was an early nod to our candy-tossing friend Gail here on the scorecard, known for standing up at the worst possible times to chuck Hershey Bars and peanut butter cups to the drunks in the crowd, as there is a scrawl alluding to “Captain Cavewoman” in the front row of bleacher seats. Other random notations on here include “Marge Schott should be Schott”, the ever-popular “show your tits!”, and that there was a chubby Jewish guy in a yarmaluke eating peanuts that we dubbed “Saul T Nuts.” We also had a girl walking around in a fur wrap, and she was promptly dubbed, “Animal killer!”
The Yankees pasted the Rangers on this day, to the tune of 12-3. Andy Pettitte was the beneficiary of the Yankee attack, with Kevin Gross getting smacked around on the Ranger hill. By the time he left in the 2nd, it was 5-1 New York. For the Yankees Bernie, Tino and O’Neill all had a pair of hits, while Mariano Duncan smacked 3, including his jack. Duncan drove in 3 runs on the day. Gerald Williams also homered, drove in 3, and scored 3 times. Your Yankee lineup was interesting, and looked like this – CF BW, 1B Tino, RF O’Neill, DH Sierra, C Leyritz, 2B Duncan, 3B Fox, LF G Williams, and SS Jeter. After Pettite went a strong 8 Mark Hutton came in (lol) and Bob Wickman finished up.
Texas managed 10 hits of their own, with Rusty “Queer” having 3 and hitting a home run of his own. The Rangers had countered with CF Lou Frazier, C Pudge Rodriguez, 1B Wil Clark, DH Tettleton, 3B Craig Worthington, LF Rusty Queer, 2B McLemore, RF Buford, and SS Kevin Elster. After Gross was smacked around we got to see one Mark Brandenburg, followed by Matt Whiteside.
Lets hit up a profile – and Damon Buford (son of Don) it is. The guy stuck around from 1993, and wore many hats, making stops with the Orioles, Mutts, Rangers, Red Sox, and Chicago Cubs. Usually played 60-100 games a year although the Cubs saw to it to give him 150 games of the 699 games he played in his 9 year career in the 2000 season and were rewarded with a .251 average and a piddling 15 home runs for it. On his career he batted only .242 in 1853 at bats, with 54 home runs and 218 RBIs. He had some speed, swiped 56 bags, but was also nailed 35 times. Struck out 430 times, while walking 173.
Played all the outfield positions, and when it was all said and done made cameo appearances once at both second and third. 96 was actually his highwater mark, as he batted .282 in 90 games (145 Abs) and we got to see him go 1-3 on this day in April. Born in 1970 he was a 10th round draft pick in the 1990 draft, by way of USC. He was an all-star by no means, but I am thrilled to say I got to see this fleet of foot world class athlete ply his trade for my enjoyment.
There were only 20,181 on hand (and a good portion of those were drunk and thrown out of the bleachers) and the game was played in an even 3 hours time. Your umpires on the day were the late Durwood Merrill, Gary Cederstrom, Dale Scott, and Rocky Roe.
Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed this installment of Toms Scorecard Memories, circa 1996!
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