June 5th, 1995 - No Fu*king mystery outs!

June 5th, 1995 - Yankees host the A's-holes
My first chance to see Jeter in person

Moving right along, into June of 1995 we stumble in drunken fashion. Another Monday night game, which amuses me, cause you could not pay me to go to a Monday night game in later years. I remarked that I was just back from the "WHFS-tival" at RFK Stadium in DC, where I saw a varied bill including the Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Bush, Courtney Love, Tony Bennett doing his "hip" stuff, Sonic Youth and some others I dont remember. The Ramones headlined the thing. My brother Dan was living down in Baltimore at the time. One of the highlights of the trip was being recognized by a couple in a bar as "a crazy guy" that they recognized from Yankee games back at home. Another highlight was getting kicked out of that same bar later on.

The Yankees had slipped in recent days, heading in with a 14-19 mark which soon became 14-20...but the big topic of the day was the acquisition of Josias Manzanillo, plucked off waivers from the crosstown Mutts earlier that afternoon. It really turned our season around! Oh yeah, and I got to see Derek Jeter man the shortstop hole for the Yankees for my first time in person that day, after his callup on May 29th.

I mentioned how many "Athletic Supporters" were roaming around. It never ceased to amaze us how many A's fans there actually were with the jack to show up at Yankee Stadium. Before the game Stan Javier, who did not play much to our chagrin, blew us a kiss and was showered with Italian salutes in return. I was already starting with the gimmicks, wearing a nametag I had procured at a trade show I worked for the mannequin company I was employed with at the time, letting everyone know "Hello! My name is Thomas!" The cast of "Sunset Blvd" sang the National Anthem, or as I said "butchered the National Anthem" and then it was finally time for some baseball.

"No fu*king cursing!" someone hollered. The crowd was rowdy, young and carefree. "Security is going to card us tonight" someone cracked. There was even an appearance by a couple of NY's Finest later in the game, when they helped throw out someone we had named both "Red Cheeks" and "Blushy." This character was drunk and kept standing up, and falling down, off the seats, a move I later trademarked and called my own.

"What happened to that guy that used to come out here that looked like Roberto Duran?" someone asked. "He don't come here no mas! no mas!" someone answered. Nice! A funny!

There was one of those ballboys on the field that would warm up the outfielders between innings, that did a little skippy dance before he threw. Someone pointed it out, and we were watching this the rest of the game, laughing our asses off. He would do a little skippy thing, and land like a ballerina. Funny stuff.

Earlier in the week there had a been a subway collision - I believe on the span of the Williamsburgh Bridge, and I think someone died. If not, they should have. Anyway, after I invariably lost my dollar on the cartoonish "Great City Subway Race" on the scoreboard I scrawled "My D Train would have won if the J train did not run into it."

The Yankees were getting clubbed once again, so we turned our attention to capers and shenanigans. There were a fair amount of children out there with bats they procured from Crapman the vendor, and by the 9th inning we finally coaxed them to hop onto the seats and partake in Three-Muskateerish battles with them. At one point the Yankees recieved the benefit of a charity call from an arbiter on field, and it was stated that "even the umpires are starting to feel sorry for us."

There were a couple of fights. A really good one across the way down the leftfield line, perilously close to the field, and then one over to the left in the box with Freddy Sez hanging around in the area. "Freddy started it!" we chanted, and he clanged his pan in response and gave us a shy wave.

As for bookkeeping, as I mentioned, I KEPT A CLEAN FU*KING GAME! Not one mystery out! I did not even know a card like this existed...it is surely the first one I have seen out of the first couple of hundred in my arsenal. Holy Hell, I kept score the whole game, no mystery or guest scorekeepers, and I missed nothing! Fu*k yeah! I rock!

"Jerking" Hitchcock started and got tatooed for the home club, racked for 7 runs on 7 hits and 3 walks in 3 shoddy innings of work. He was booed lustily. Everyones favorite, Scott Bankhead, sauntered in and managed to strike out the side in the 4th (amongst a walk and a run-scoring single) but also managed to give up an "epic moonshot" to Mark McGwire to lead off the 7th. "Jolted" Joe Ausanio mopped up in his usual desulatory fashion, prompting a prediction that "Ausanio has pitched himself off the team." Well...he didnt yet, but soon enough.

The As lineup boffed 13 hits, with Berroa, Sierra, McGwire and Mike Bored-dick having a pair. The club had 4 doubles, a triple, and the rainbringer by McGwire. For posterities sake, here is the lineup - LF Henderson, DH Berroa, RF Sierra (who was met with the old "village idiot" chant), 1B McGwire, C Steinbach, 2B Gates, CF Scott Brosius (yes, you read that right...Brosius in centerfield!), 3B Paquette, and SS Bored-Dick. If you stuck around long enough you got to see the legendary Andy Tomberlin come in for defensive purposes in center late in the game. The winning pitcher was that pretty boy Ron Darling, with help from Dave Leiper, Jim Corsi, and Jim Acre.

Off those 4 buffoons the Yankees managed 10 hits and only 5 runs, which were dwarfed by the A's 11 runs. Luis Polonia of all people and Paul O'Neill both homered in the 7th off of Leiper, but otherwise it was another nondescript night in the Bronx. The Yankees threw this lineup out there - LF Polonia, 3B Boggs, RF O'Neill, C Leyritz (batting cleanup...ugh), 1B Mattingly, DH Tartabull, CF BW, CF Randy Velarde, and in front of me for the first time, Derek Jeter in the 9 hole! Jeter went 0-4 with 3 groundouts and a liner to third.

But enough about that - on to todays profile, and who better than Andy Tomberlin? Born in 1966 in North Carolina, he enjoyed a six year career encompassed of part time duty for the Pirates, Red Sox, A's, Mutts, and the Tigers. In all that time he got into 192 games and eked out a mere 305 at-bats. And what at-bats! Lifetime average of .233, with 11 dingers and a respectable 38 RBIs. He only stole 6 bags, but was only caught once, so give him that. Another guy who struck out a third of the time, getting rung up 103 times in 305 official at-bats. And how bout this - he actually took the mound in a game for Boston, giving up a hit and a walk in two scoreless innings! Feel the burn!

As for the 5th, the game was played in front of a sickly crowd of 14,197, and took 3:16. Gary Cederstrom, Jim McKean, Dale Scott, and good old Jim Joyce were lucky enough to call this one.

As always, thanks for reading! Cheers!