One out - One week to go
The "Last Stand." A week to go, and one game out of the wildcard. I am stunned to this day to see there were only around 15,000 on hand with the Yankees one game out of the hunt, which got a succinct "where the fu*k is everyone?" tagged on the scorecard. The temp was getting cooler, as it was noted that the grounds crew actually were not wearing thier khaki "safari shorts" on this Tuesday night, having moved on to "pants"
Not only was the mood tense, it was a bit maudlin as there was announcement before the game that a "longtime ticket taker" had died. Of course, leave it to one of us to put it in perspective. "So what?" Gang Bang Steve groused. "He never passed me no bones...no free tickets. I dont care."
But we came in giddy nonetheless...during BP a fan in the bleachers took a batted ball off the head. Chris, the self-proclaimed "former minor league ballplayer" took a gander at me grabbing a chaw of Red Man that was offered and snarled with derision, "Red Man?? If I want candy I will bring a lollipop." Ironically enough this appears to be the first appearance of Cotton Candy out there, or at least the first time we noticed it, as this scorecard is littered with nods to that concoction known as Cotton Candy. "Take that shit to the carnival!" was one, as the vendor ambled on up. "What is this, Dodger Stadium?" was another. "Stick that cotton candy up your ass!" was a third, which was later amended to "sticky that cotton candy up your ass!" since it was cotton candy and, well, you know - sticky.
In the first inning a fan stood up holding a big sign, trying to get on TV. And he did not sit down...Hell, the seats were empty, he probably was not blocking anyone, so he felt free to continue his charade. We put a clock on him...he actually stood for over 4 minutes with his sign over his head, until the inning ended. Then he put the sign away for the evening. For some reason I did not save what exactly the sign said for posterity, but I am sure it was dumb.
There was a Met fan on hand trying furtively to hide his cap from view, but we saw it and were all over him. His "Where's Waldo" backpack did not help his cause any. An ugly girl strolled by, causing someone to crack, "Shit...I would not touch her with a 4,916 foot pole." Someone told us to tone it down, as there was "family about." "Yeah, family." we mused. "A bunch of bitches, motherfu*kers...." No one was safe from our barbs....when a Latino lad did not sit down fast enough to suit us at the beginning of a frame someone shouted, "down in front, beans and rice!"
I think the price of beer was getting to us, as we had a long talk on the subject of "Beer-noculars" and the benefits of such. "Hell, 16 ounce Beer-noculars won't do it for me." someone said. "I need at least a 32 ounce telescope to hide my beer in." Soon enough it was time to heckle the Toronto contingent, and that included a "dont you wish you were still in Cleveland, you fu*k?" addressed at Mr. Joe Carter in left. Someone actually thought calling him "Joe Farter" would be funny....then again, I wrote it down on the scorecard, so I am no better.
Other minor notes of interest.....Chris and I actually sung a duet version of "Friend of Mine" and everyones favorite, Dancing Ogre guy, was on hand. So was Howard the "anti-comic" lawyer who always got a frowny face on the card. A guy named "Joe from Rock Ridge Saloon" was on hand, that was worth a mention, too. Someone actually jumped up and said, "I'll huff and puff and blow your Mom!" whatever that means, but I am going to guess it was addressed to Mr. Mike Huff in centerfield for the Blow Jays.
The Yankees actually had only 3 hits on the night, but a 5-spot in the 2nd was enough to coast them to a 5-3 win behind Andy Pettitte. Jose Guzman, starting for Toronto walked a ridiculous SIX in 1.1 innings, and therewith lie your problem for Toronto. All 5 runs were tacked to his ledger, dropping his record to a staggering 3-14. Check out this bottom 2 with Guzman on the hill...
Dion James singled, then after a Mattingly flyout to right, Leyritz walked. Velarde singled to center, driving in James. Guzman hit Pat Kelly. Boggs walked. Bernie walked. O'Neill walked. Then Guzman was lifted, and I lost track. He had also walked two in the first, but Bernie Williams helped him off the hook by getting nailed stealing, causing someone to grumble, "he couldn't steal a base with a gun in his hand."
"Walks matter." someone aptly quipped.
Mystery outs all over the place on here. 7 in the 3rd and 4th alone, when I was apparently putting on a show for the kids on hand with my prop, Bear Ass the stuffed animal. I noticed another recurring theme on these recent scorecards....for some reason I was wearing a Hawaiin Lei late in the 95 season, and it appears on every scorecard recently. I was also chewing tobacco. What a freakin' mess I was.
Here was your Yankee lineup on the night - 3B Boggs, CF BW, RF O'Neill, DH Strawberry, LF James, 1B Mattingly, C Leyritz, SS Velarde, 2B Jughead Kelly. Pettitte upped his mark to 11-8, going 8 strong, and John Wetteland finished up for his 26th save, whiffing 2 in the 9th.
Toronto only had 5 hits of their own, including home runs by SS Alex Gonzalez (in his first full season) and Joe Carter. Your Jays lineup looked like this - SS Gonzalez, DH Molitor, LF Carter, 1B Olerud (nice helmet ya got there!), 3B Sprague, CF Huff, RF Robert Perez (lol), 2B Domingo Cedeno (lol), and C Lance Parrish batting 9th. On that team, that was a Hell of an accomplishment. A young Carlos Delgado ended up pinch-hitting for Perez late in the game.
After Guzman's comedy act, the no-name tandem of Ken Robinson and Jimmy Rogers got some work in, and Mike Timlin, that doof, wrapped it up.
For the profile, lets call on Mr Domingo "brother of Andujar" Cedeno. Yet another Dominican shortstop, not so high profile. Stuck around from 93-99, honing his trade for Toronto, the Chisox (12 games in 96), Texas, Seattle and Philly. Never played in more than 113 games in a season or batted more than 365 times. With a .251 average, 15 home runs and 121 RBIs in 1219 at-bats over 429 games, you kind of get an idea why. Did not offer much up in speed either, stealing 14 but getting nailed 12 times. Talk about a roll of the dice sending the runner. Walked 83 times and struck out 280, which is also way too much. He did play everywhere, and I dont just mean his 5 stops along the way. Logged time at second, short, third, and even the outfield. DHd here and there, when everyone else was too hung over to play.
Born on 11/4/68, the lanky Dummy-in-a-can was signed out of the Dominican in 1987 by the Jays scouting machine. His Baseballreference.com page had a paltry 2,333 hits as of 11/17/2010. How can you not be happy that you saw this man in his prime!
As for the 19th, a pathetic showing of 15,772 found it within themselves to attend, and the game was played in 2:52 (it takes a long time to walk so many guys) - your umpires on hand were the esteemable Larry Barnett, Greg Kosc, Dan Morrison, and Al Clark.
Thanks for reading!
DOMINGO CEDENO, EVERYBODY!
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