April 8th, 1994 - "If I could I'd make love to beer"

Hi there folks! Welcome to 1994! Pull up a barstool.

April 8th, 1994 - Yankees host the Tigers

Well, I picked up right where I left off. I saw the Yankees close 93 against the Tigers, and after missing the first two games of 1993 against the Rangers here was Detroit back in town against the undefeated, 2-0 Yankees.

"Kurt Cobain is dead" has a prominent spot right at the top...without bothering to reference, I suppose that vaunted event occured around this time. It was noted that the caricature on the cover of the 1994 Yearbook looked like the "outside of Shea Stadium." Thats not good.

I was just happy to be back. So happy that at 9:20PM I got to sing "Friend of Mine." We ordered Detroit RF Danny Bautista to "bark like a dog" - I dont think he did that.

In such a good mood, so pleased to see my old friends once again, I actually told Big-nosed George at one point around the middle of the game, "George, its good to see you" and he replied, "what, you're leaving?"

I am noticing a difference from the 1993 cards...the insults are a bit more biting here. "You fat fu*k" is on here. Ironic, when you consider the physiques the section would be peppered with a decade later, mine certainly included.

Our favorite "celebrity security" was on hand. In that year alone we had security personnel that closely resembled Saddam Hussein, Queen Latifah, and BB King. And then, when trouble would start, here came Fat Elvis barking into his walkie-talkie.

Cowbell King Ali kicked the festivities off with his first bell of the night at 7:01....I missed it (and back then that was a big deal to miss it) cause I was downstairs seeking out, or peeing out, ale. However, whoever wrote this info mispelled the name of probably the most famous Bleacher Creature of them all, noting him as "Ollie." What was this, Laurel and Hardy?

My first yell towards the field was a "hey, Luis!" at Yankee centerfielder Luis Polonia at 7:46. Talk about pre-roll call....the first Met fan was sighted at 7:10, and the first Met fan was shredded at, well, 7:10. It took just about another hour, 8:09 to be exact, for a Red Sox fan to be spotted and subjected to their own form of abuse. Continuing my time on the clock fetish, I noted that beerman Cousin Brewski made his first appearance out there at 9:41PM, and was duly applauded.

Someone was openly griping about us within earshot, and was met with "eat your fu*king Carvel ice cream and go back to Jersey." The first "fight false alarm" rang at 8:40 (oof, I was heavy into marking times at this point....I hope I grew out of this soon) and in the bottom of the 6th someone in the box seats "threw a beer at us" and that resulted in a "he's out!!!"

This was the night where I first made my "If I could, I would make love to beer" statement. Or at least when it was first recorded. I ended up missing part of the 4th and a healthy chunk of the 5th "buying beers." And, thanks partially to all these beers, a bunch of us merrily belted out a few verses from the Monty Python Lumberjack song.

I am seeing yet another false fight on here....man, the beer ban really worked. We surely didnt see fights with any sort of regularity when they blocked the beer from getting to our section, and they are all over these scorecards in the Age of the Sud.

Holy shit are there are lot of mo's here. Lots of missed outs. 2 in the top of the 3rd (apparently "while I was passing out cookies" ?? What the fuc*k...) another couple in the 5th when I was buying beer (what happened to all of my pinch-scorers?) and another one in the 7th during one of the false fights. These all came with the Tigers up, so at least I was watching the Yankees bat.

I lost my voice, and bitched about it on the scorecard as I could no longer yell at Danny Bautista, who was in right. The Tigers had since moved our old foe Tony Phillips to left. He once again became the target of our bombs, as we'd chant at him in deragatory fashion, only to see him dancing for us (he was quite the shimmy-er) across the field.

There was a major "beer controversy" in the 5th when a beer man not named Brewski walked right by us and ended up selling all his beers to the idiots behind us. That is what caused me to head out into the lobby line to miss a chunk of action.

After all the "false fights" a major bleacher brawl finally erupted just before 9PM. Not only did i mark down the exact time (8:52) but I noted it sparked with a 2-1 count on the hitter. Talk about finite detail.

What, were they selling RC Cola out there in 94? I have "RC Cola????" written on here with a frowny face. I sure hope someone didnt bring it on on their own violition. We may have simply been discussing RC Cola out there for no reason..we always ended up in dumb conversations like that.

Ah, shit, I am noticing now in the "played at" area on the scorecard this was one of those 7PM games...looks like this is where they chopped them up a half hour, cutting into our pregame drinking time. The bastards!

What the fu*k was going on circa 1993 and 1994? There was yet ANOTHER fan on the field! This individual had a romp just as Cecil Fielder popped up to first, ending the 8th. I mean, get some control! There were more fans on the field than players at any given time!

There is one autograph from a fan on here, someone claiming to be Robby Thompson's brother in law. How that came up, who knows...

As for the game, Jim Abbott pitched a shutout block of innings, God bless his merry soul! He threw a neat 7, before Bob Wickman came in to engage in funny business. He gave up a single and a walk, and that was it for him. Thanks! Steve Howe of all people came in and threw 2 strong to lock up the save.

Starting for the Tigers was one John Doherty, from the Bronx, New York! Fu*k him! Luis Polonia led off for the Yankees, and walked 3 times. Paul O'Neill was 2-3 and plated 2 runs, and Wade Boggs was 1-3 with a walk, scoring twice and driving in a run. Mike Gallego, at short, threw one away on the very first batter of the game, getting a "thanks for the throw Gallego" on the card for his efforts. Despite this, the win upped the Yankee mark to 3-0, heading into the first weekend of the season.

As for the Tigers, Juan Samuel, playing second and batting second, was feeling racist and went K K K in his first three at bats before Lou Whitaker creaked out to the field to bat for him in the 8th. Those in attendance were also lucky to see Mickey Tettleton, DHing for the Tigers, and the esteemable Milt Cuyler manning centerfield, and being yelled at in the process.

There were only 20,222 there ON A FRIDAY NIGHT! Holy crap!Your umpires for this fabled contest were Al Clark, Dan Morrison, Larry Barnett, and Greg Kosc.

Thanks for reading, and welcome to 1994!