August 21st, 1993 - Obscene Knight Puppet on hand!

August 21st, 1993
"Felix Jose has beehive hair"

Not much happening here, aside from the fact the inimitable Mike Magnante got the start for the Royals. Again, I identified them as the BORE-les on the scorecard, which is even less funny the next times you see it. Under date I wrote "later...I swear!" and it was played at...how gay is this - "double fist heaven" - obviously an ode to our drinking, beers lovingly cradled in each palm.

This was a Saturday game, and since it was in the days before I recruited all kinds of help in scoring these things and logging jokes, the fact that the card was practically devoid of anything amusing can be attributed to the hard drinking I would do at a Saturday game, taking me out of the picture. The Yankees headed into the days affair 1 1/2 games out of first.

"Blow your Dad, kid!" was the heading of the scorecard, which was not nice. Elsewhere on the card it was noted that a "Dad" was "being harrassed" - I wonder if this was that same Dad who was peppered with that slam. I sort of hope so, I mean how many Dads were under attack?

Someone called Mike Stanley a "ding dong" for God knows what reason. I pointed out in the right margin that there was an "asshole in the upper deck."

Walkman John - can you find out if Bernie Williams had a nice hitting streak going on around then? Cause I wrote a vague "BW - 19 games" on the scorecard, and Bernie doubled in the 6th. Leafing back a couple of pages, he tacked hits in those games too, but remember from previous diatribes I missed like 10 home games in a row, which has never been explained.

Speaking of missing games, one "John Nabs" autographed the card with "I'm going to skool tonight...I'll be back for the Sox series." What kind of nickname is John Nabs?? It was also noted that this character had a "smiley face tatoo." I am sure he was a hit at school. A gent who signed "Joe Pagano" signed "My birthday was rough....today I'll drink Coke!" Bless the man!

We noted that Felix Jose, who is all over these scorecards, has "beehive hair."

You guys remember my Knight hand puppet, procured from The Renaissaince Faire? I called him "Neon Knight" after a song from German metal mavens ACCEPT. I know, "Neon" was a dumb name even before Deion tacked it before his. I used him to say things I couldnt, to curse and scream obsceneties, and I would get away with it, defying all sorts of logic and good taste. I am sure I will do a whole post one day on Neon Knight and his antics, up to and including scaring children, but for now I used this insult to someone who must have been dressed stupidly...."I'm dressed better, and I'm a fuckin' puppet!"

I noted sports bags suck. I must have been in a bad mood. I also noted we "tried to" sing "Take Me Out To The Ocean" in the 7th....by saying "tried" and not "did" it means it was not successful (perhaps the fact we were playing the Royals and not the Indians was one problem)

There is what I bet is a great "Missing Joke" here...I wrote "I had a Jordan breakfast today" and underneath it is a totally illegible sentence written in drunken hand...all you can make out is "his Dad" and "milk" - whatever it was it was funny once...

Even though I was drunk I managed to write a bunch of game observations, with little arrows attached to plays leading into the margin with remarks like "catchable" and "he was really out" and "stupid."

Thats pretty much it. The Yankees pulled a squeaker, 3-2, with Steve Farr notching the save (even after entering to more "lock the bullpen gate!" howls) - Scott Kamienieki actually pitched a good game (I think I was at all 3 of them) going 8 innings, giving up 2 runs on 5 hits and a walk. Mike Stanley homered in the 2nd and was hit by Magnante in the 4th...why he did not charge the mound is beyond me. Mike Gallego went 3-4 for the good guys.

Magnante took the loss, and among the other luminaries that pawed the rubber for the Royals were former and future starter Mark Gubicza (who was used out of the bullpen all year for the only season in his career) and Stan Belinda.

The game went 2:45, and your arbiters were once again Tim Welke, Drew Coble, the late Durwood Merrill, and John Hirschbeck. 41,543 saw fit to come to the Stadium to watch the proceedings.

Thats a wrap - thanks for reading!