August 22nd, 1993 - Cheap Watch Day!

AUGUST 22nd, 1993 - Yankees host Royals
"Cheap Watch Day! - Umpires Must Die!"


LOL. I remember talking about this one years later. That cheap digital watch giveway. The watches that were magically working when they handed them to us at the gate, but were broken by the time the 2nd inning rolled around. What a piece of crap. Mine was actually broken BEFORE THE FIRST INNING STARTED, as duly noted on the scorecard.

Old school rap legend and bleacher creature Melle Mel, who I actually called Stevie Wonder back then for his dead-on impersonation of such, made the point that the plastic bag the watch came in "would make a great propholactic" Hey, anyone else remember him singing "I just called....to say.....I love you!" with his sunglasses, head lolling back and forth, and goofy grin, while the bleachers roared?

Showing what passed as an "anniversary" for me in those carefree days, I got my drink on early that Lords Day, celebrating 5 years to the day since I had headed away to SUNY New Paltz. Over the years it was funny to run into people from school out there, where we would laugh about my controversial stints as hotshot newspaper columnist and President of Scudder Hall, a position I was forced to resign after an ugly scandal. Trust me on that one!

"Down in front, Captain Lou Albano!" someone screamed as the festivities got under way. "Jump, Truman Capote!" someone else howled. "Jump, Rick Cerone, Jump!" yelled a third. Lots of dopplegangers about, obviously.

Melido Perez was stretching before the game and was serenaded by a caustic voice howling "don't party with Pascual, alright?"

Families were once again taking a hit, carrying over the theme of the previous night. With Brian McRae, a popular bleacher foe parked in center again, someone shouted "you suck, and your father does too!" The ever-popular "Daddys Boy!" sing-song chant filled the air as well.

Remember I mentioned that button with the Met log enconsed in a cartoon pile of shit that they sold at Greek Steve's fast-foodery across the street? Well, we tossed one to bispectacled Yankee reliever Paul Gibson before the game, during BP. He chuckled and pocketed it, giving us a wink and an impish grin.

While we hooted on the Royals a Blue Jay fan leaned over the loge with a grin, and he was met with a poignant "Toronto sucks too, you asshole up there!!" Someone else added, "stop posing for a box of Animal Crackers, you asshole!"

Captain Bob autographed my scorecard AGAIN. I think I was taking this autograph gig a bit far now, when I was having the same guys signing the thing over and over. And its not like I didnt see them every homestand at this time. Someone else who called themselves "Jumpin' Jose" signed the card, noting himself as "a fan of the game in the bleachers!"

Someone had an UMPIRES MUST DIE sign. Very straight and to the point.

The game was a joke. Yankees were SHUT OUT. By Chris Haney, of all people. Haney walked 5 but only gave up 4 hits, and the Yankees plodded to a 7-0 loss, in a Stadium I had optomistically described as "sun central" hours earlier.

One funny game note was a wild throwing error by Randy Velarde out in left field. I actually called it "the WORST throw in history!" Someone else noted "he was having a catch with Sterling in the radio booth."

Bernie extended his hitting streak to 20 games on this day, to ultimatly stop and halt at 21. For some reason Danny Tartabull was called "shoehead" on the scorecard. I have no idea....as for Melido he was savagely booed off the mound when he left in the 6th, after getting pounded for 7 runs on 9 hits and a monster home run from Mike Macfarlane.

Both hitting legend and legendary weakstick Jose Lind went 3-4 for the Royals on this mundane afternoon. But fuck....Chris Haney??? Of the 38-52 lifetime record?

There were 43,606 people on hand and 42,099 broken watches by the 7th inning stretch. Your umpires were once again Tim Welke, Drew Coble, the late and lamented Durwood Merrill, and John Hirschbeck, and the game was played at a 2 hour and 34 minute clip.

Thanks for reading!